This fall has been incredibly difficult in my workplace. Anxiety is everywhere: new leadership at the college, new revelations of short-term fiscal difficulties that will require drastic measures to resolve, and in my own little corner, a new course to teach that is challenging in every way. While I try to arrange my work days so that I have time at the hermitage for rest, prayer, and general centering, this past week has found me back on campus for several evenings, two "work at home" days, and one Sunday.
It's not so much that I'm tired and need more sleep, though, that's making a day at the hermitage (finally!) both welcome and somewhat difficult. It's that my heart hurts. I've been trying to care for my students, my colleagues, my colleagues' students, my beloved husband, my cat, my hermitage... but the constant state of anxiety is wearing us down. We're all tired, we're all soul-weary. And, while my faith may be sufficient to keep me afloat most of the time, I'm not sure I can hold everyone else around me in my short little arms, on my narrow shoulders.
This borrowed day, this "work at home" day, is perhaps at its heart a form of Sabbath time. By releasing the constant urge to do and allowing the Self to simply be, it becomes easier to sense the Presence of the Divine. My busy-ness, while all in the best of causes, pulls me in too many directions. I offer love and care to those around me, but I need time and space to be Present to the Source of that love and care. I cannot "give the day to God;" it is God's already. But I can offer God's day to myself as a opportunity to experience the balm of God's Presence. What I do or do not is immaterial; Who I am with is all.
You're in my prayers and my heart, dear friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jack, that means the world. Blessings!
DeleteWe're all tired, we're all soul-weary. And, while my faith may be sufficient to keep me afloat most of the time, I'm not sure I can hold everyone else around me in my short little arms, on my narrow shoulders" One of the privileges of being part of the Body of Christ and more specifically this patch is that we get to carry each others burdens. That being said Praying for you all and sending love
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jodie. We do all hold each other up, and for that I am profoundly grateful.
DeletePrayers, Sue
ReplyDeleteThanks. They are most appreciated.
DeleteSometimes it's better not to "try to care." I don't keen not to care. Rather I mean to just be and letters learn to just be. I notice so many of my colleagues at the jail and hospital, getting angry at inmates and jail for not changing as if it somehow is a rebuke of their efforts. Why stress over others or for others. As Jesus said, "We will allows have the poor." We'll always have chronic mental illness, addiction and crime. :)
ReplyDeleteFair enough, +Will. I don't know if I can "not care" for my students, or for the others I mentioned. Even Christ found his ministry exhausting at times and took time and space for rest and deep prayer. (Not that I have the grace and strength to care as he did.) Your suggestion that it is ok to let people find their own way, though, is quite right. For me the challenge comes in balancing my own needs with everyone else's. This week was harder than others.
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